Dan vs Mr Mumbles
by Blue Alien Psycho
Summary: Mr. Mumbles is sick and Dan refuses to accept that fact. But with the consequences of the illness right in front of him, it's not going to be easy to pretend it's not there.


Dan stomped into the house and kicked the door shut. "Stupid convenience store," he growled, setting the bag of edibles on the counter. "Only has diet soda. Oh, I'm gonna…" He grumbled the rest under his breath as he wrote down _convenience store_ in his revenge list.

Once he was finished, he put the notebook in his pocket and went back to the bag. "Mr. Mumbles!" he called over his shoulder. "I'm back!" As if on cue, a scruffy gray cat came limping into the kitchen. She sat down and watched Dan fumble around in the bag; it wasn't long until he pulled out a sandwich perfectly cut into two triangles, concealed in a plastic container. "I got your favorite. Turkey sandwich," he said, bending down to offer her a half. "And it just expired two days ago. We're gonna have a feast."

Mr. Mumbles sniffed the sandwich before turning around indifferently. Dan scratched his head.

"Well…I guess you could wait till _Population Control Johnny_ starts," he mumbled, confused to why his cat wasn't hungry by now. Mr. Mumbles meowed a reply before limping back into the bedroom, where she came out of before Dan called her. Probably to sleep again, as she usually did these days. "Don't sleep for too long, Mr. Mumbles! You may be a teenager in cat years but that doesn't mean you can ignore me," Dan said, pulling out the liter of diet coke from the bag before crumbling it up. He tossed it on the floor and collapsed on the couch.

The television came on and Dan found it already set on the channel Population Control Johnny was supposed to air on. While waiting for the commercials to end, he twisted the cap of his coke bottle. As usual, it didn't hiss like the non-expired sodas would when being opened for the first time. Dan took a sip of the soda and made a face, but not because it was flat. "Man I hate diet," he said, adding _diet coke_ to the list. Then he proceeded to drink more, grimacing with each sip. "Stupid movie night principles…"

Just when Dan was starting to get impatient, the commercials ended and PCJ's theme song began to play. "Mr. Mumbles! Have a sandwich!" Dan called. No answer. He quickly opened up the container holding the sandwich and pulled out one of its halves. The smell of its turkey heavenly-ness wafted into his nostrils, making his mouth water. How could anyone, especially Mr. Mumbles, resist this?

Several minutes passed and there was still no answer. Dan's brow furrowed. What is wrong with her? he thought. Mr. Mumbles was always eager to watch Population Control Johnny with him, especially in the presence of turkey sandwiches. Her not wanting to come sort of…hurt.

Suddenly, a blood-chilling yowl like nothing he'd ever heard before screamed from the bedroom. Heart racing, Dan bolted to his feet, not noticing that he'd just spilled cola all over his couch and carpet. Terror pulsed through his body once he entered the bedroom. "Mr. Mumbles!"

* * *

Chris stood in front of the bathroom mirror brushing his teeth. Just when he finished rinsing, Elise tapped on the door.

"Ready for bed, honey?"

"Yes, honey," Chris said. He opened the door when suddenly there were loud thumping sounds coming from the living room. The front door. Chris heaved a sigh. "Who could that be?"

"Take a wild guess," Elise said, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Chris, arms crossed. "Tell him you're not available tonight."

"Okay." Chris walked into the living room and answered the door. "Sorry, Dan, I can't. I have work tomorrow-" His sentence was cut short when Dan charged into the house, looking like he'd just been running from a murderer. This was definately different from the other times Dan had barged in. He didn't look angry; instead he looked…distraught.

"Chris! You got to help me!" His green eyes were wide with fear- an emotion Chris rarely saw from him. "Mr. Mumbles! I-I don't know what's wrong with her!" That's when Chris noticed the gray fur ball cradled in Dan's arms. She barely moved except for the shallow panting she was making, tongue lolled out like a dog's.

To Chris's relief, Elise walked in. She squinted her eyes shut as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "What does Dan want this time?"

"STAY OUT OF THIS, WOMAN!" Dan shrieked, holding Mr. Mumbles to his chest in a protective manner. Elise clenched her fists.

Chris quickly stepped in between them. "Dan says there's something wrong with Mr. Mumbles…and I think he's right," he added, glancing at the cat in the other man's arms.

"Of course I'm right!" Dan snapped. "Now help me figure out what's wrong with her!"

"Fine, let me look," Elise sighed, pushing her way in front of Chris.

"Get your filthy hands off her!" Dan barked despite her not even touching her, holding the cat away from her.

Elise shot him a glare. "Alright, Dan, whatever you say. Don't want any help? Then fine." She grasped Chris's wrist and started dragging him with her into the hallway. "Come on, Chris, it's time for bed." Dan's heart skipped a beat; he had to react fast.

"WAIT!" Elise turned. Blushing indignantly, Dan looked at the ground with a bitter look on his face. "Ugh! Fine, you can look at her. BUT ONLY ONCE!" he added, holding up a finger as if that would persuade her.

Elise grinned as Dan gave her his beloved cat. She walked to the couch with the other two following close behind, Dan muttering about how evil she was. They sat on each side of her.

As she was setting Mr. Mumbles onto her lap, Dan scooted up to her until their shoulders touched, prepared to snatch Mr. Mumbles away if she did anything to his cat. "So what's wrong with her?!" he demanded impatiently.

"I haven't even looked at her, Dan," Elise said in annoyance. She took a deep breath to try to keep her composure, then exhaled. "First of all, what happened, exactly?"

"Are you kidding me?! I was just watching _Population Control Johnny_ like any other normal person-" Elise rolled her eyes at this. "-and then _suddenly_ Mr. Mumbles starts screaming in pain! So I go into the bedroom to see what was happening to her but nothing was! I swore I thought she was being murdered!"

"I doubt nothing was happening to her if she was screaming in pain," Chris pointed out.

Dan threw his arms up. "But there wasn't! She was lying on my bed sleeping as usual, and that's where I found her! There was nothing happening!" His eyes grew wide, filled with a mixture of fear and frustration. "I don't know why she started screaming. She looked liked she was hurt but there were no wounds or anything!"

"Look, Dan, I know how dirty your floor is. Maybe she just stepped on something lying around." Elise checked Mr. Mumbles' paws, starting with the forelegs and then the rears. When she reached the right hind leg, her eyebrows shot up. "Dan, when was the last time you took her to the vet?"

"Two years ago after leg-crusher ran over her. Why?" Dan said.

"Can you stop calling me that?" Chris bristled. "You know it was an accident. Besides, it was two years ago."

"Quit being such a child. At least I put mercy on your sorry ass."

"You glued me to the highway and ruined my car! _After_ I bought you peace offerings and paid the medical bill!"

"Ahem!" Dan and Chris stopped their bickering and faced an irritated Elise.

"Anyway. Look at her leg, Dan." Elise touched Mr. Mumbles' leg, and despite being as gentle as she could, the cat still winced a bit. The leg was definitely messed up- it was bent at a stiff angle and the joint was swollen. Dan looked at it indifferently.

"What about it? She's been limping around on it _ever since leg-crusher here ran over it! _Obviously it's going to look like that eventually!"

"Didn't she get a cast?!"

"Of course she got a cast! What, you think I'd let her walk around on a broken leg?! It's just after her leg healed that she's been limping on the damn thing!"

"And how long has it been like this?!"

"I don't know! Maybe six months?!" Dan said. He hated the alarmed look that was on Elise's face. It made him uncomfortable somehow. Elise stood up and handed the cat back to him.

"I can't believe this. You need to take her to a vet _now,_" Elise said. Feeling shaken from the sudden outburst, Dan watched her stalk off into her and Chris's bedroom.

"Talk about female mood swings!" Dan exclaimed, hoping complaints would calm his racing heart. He turned to Chris. "This is specifically why I told you not to marry a woman. But nope. You had to disobey me and now you see what happens?"

Chris ignored the stupid comment. "You know, I actually agree with her."

"Aww, c'mon! You're supposed to side with _me,_ not the enemy! What kind of friend are you?!"

"She's not an enemy, she's my wife. Besides, she's got a point, Dan. You should probably listen to her."

Their short conversation was ended by Elise walking back into the living room. A piece of torn-out notebook paper was clutched in her hands, which was then handed to Dan. Raising an eyebrow, he took the paper and noticed there was a quickly scribbled map on it.

"I drew a map to the nearest vet," Elise told both of them. "It's one of the few whose closing hours are at midnight, so you still have time if you leave now. And Chris, I want you to make sure Dan makes it there and checks Mr. Mumbles in." She jabbed a finger at his chest. "And remember: _no snack_ _breaks!_"

"Yes, dear…" Chris said, head lowered in shame. Elise bent down to kiss him on the cheek.

"I know you can do it, honey," she said reassuringly before straightening up. "You two should leave immediately before Mr. Mumbles gets in more pain."

"Okay, fine, stop telling me about it!" Dan whined as he got up, caressing Mr. Mumbles as he did. "Let's go, Chris. Before Mrs. Drama-Queen gets even more obnoxious. By the way, you're driving."

Chris followed Dan out of the door, and in moments they were gone, driving down the street.


End file.
